Tuesday, April 6, 2010

My Screen: Dependency

Through the penetrating tears, I notice Uncle Sean's arms and hear his voice, as he grapples with trying to comfort me. “See, you’re crying; it’s going to be fine. Silence would be worst… You could be DEAD, Ashley,” but his encouraging words do nothing to fight the fear I feel.

Running through our font door, frantic to find out what happened, my parents meet Sean and me. I hurt all over, it’s excruciating. Their questions echo inside my head: “How did you get out side?” “Can you move?” “What’s going on?” Mom reaches for me, and Sean acquiesces, placing me in her arms as he addresses their inquiries. “She fell out of the window from leaning against your screen. I'm sure the window was open, It must have given way.” Dad’s response almost penetrates me, “Ashley, I thought I told you not to sit next to that.”

My reply was silence. But now, after being at a hospital, breaking a collarbone and having a doctor’s bill given to my parents, the guilt burns. Uncle Sean was incorrect when he said “you'll be OK” – leaning against a screen out of laziness and curiosity had a price. Tears begin to line my eyes. “Ashley?” asks mom, her concerned eyes studying me, waiting for what I’d say next.
“I’m … I’m just sorry for leaning on something I shouldn’t have, for the money you and dad spent. It’s all my fault.” She laughs and, moving closer hugs me. “Nay, Dad and I aren’t mad at you. We’re so glad you’re alive, and we’re relieved we had the money to pay for it.” Her hands wrap around mine… and…

I'm safe again.

Safe to forgive myself, safe to see more then my mistake, safe to repeat the testimony I have. “You know what being OK is?” Mom pauses. “It’s knowing everyone is tempted to lean on screens of people, places and things instead of God, but he is faithful to save.”

Proverbs 3:5 Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding


Justin Vecera said...

Great blog! Totally worth the wait! So very true...you'd think after 29 years I would have learned to not lean on the "screens" of people or even the "screens" of life...but sadly I still fall short. God is the only One we can lean on and not fall.

Casey Raquel said...

I love your blog...as always! It was so GREAT getting to catch up with you and Jordan last night! Can't wait to come to Texas in July! Eeeee!!!

Love you Ash...and you're writing! Keep it up and don't wait so long to write another blog next time ;)