Tuesday, September 25, 2007

The land of Roads : Surrender

In a far away land of Roads, a Father was trying to teach his Daughter how to drive a car. The manual stated, to live in the land of roads one must know the difference between the gas and the brake pedal. They must listen to their instructor at all costs. Our story father felt His daughter was old enough and ready to enter the land of Roads. After all he would be there to help her navigate.

Now, Ashley I want you to drive out of this parking lot and on to the road. One Two Three, breath in breath out… OK I replied. Confusion clouded my mind. Oh dear, which one was the gas ? I press my foot down hard, hoping I had made the right choice. The truck lurched forward…. Straight for a ditch.Slow down my Dad yelled. Brake, Brake, where was the brake? My foot must be on it… right? I pushed harder on the metal beneath my shoe. My Dad swung his leg, to the driver side of the truck. He pressed down on the vacant pedal... the brake. I began to screamed hysterically . This was it. I would Die. Dust flew from the ditch to the pavement. wheels turned. With my foot on the gas and Dads foot on the brake, Our truck malfunctioned. A hand, Dad’s hand, pushed me out of the way. His vicious voice said, Ashley let go of the gas. My foot slid off of the pedal. Suddenly the truck grew silent. ….and peaceful.

Back in the Land of Roads, A daughter says to her father, with sadness in her voice, I guess that means I wont be getting my drivers permit.. Well it depends on if you can surrender control, during the retake test, he replies .
Turning to look at each other, father and daughter smile.

Why do we believe were right, God is wrong, and dreams malfunction? Our life road has many bends and turns. But, take faith, when you find your in a ditch… all you have to do is let go of the control pedal...surrender surrender God whispers

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Star Giver: Healing

The ride to Medford, on December 27, at 8:00pm is a moment I will never forget.… words from a song :catch a falling star and put it in your pocket save it for a rainy day mirrored my feelings. I was in the back seat of a car crammed with people. Not caring about our destination , thinking anything would be better than staying at home. How alone i felt. The world was void of laughter. Suddenly, someone named Kayla, walked into my storm commanding peace. How sweet was the grace that held me, that prayed over me. Even with the whys, and tears i had from my grandpa's death, kayla showed me the love of God... Discovering your not with out hope, someone else is in the vast darkness with you, is a great gift. .. A star.I often wonder if Kayla knew the song she brought to life. The star she gave? Or how it is still healing me.

Kayla when I really need it, you gave me your star. Who could be alone when they have a friend like you? May God remember you, the price you pay… and give you his goodness as you turn 18. Happy Birthday! Love you!

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

15 dollar beauty : Grace

Dolphins are every where in my room. And, no I don’t mean my room is full of water, and a mammal with a tail has decided to take up residents next to my bed. But, what you will find is tons of dolphin objects and a gigantic size fan displaying a underwater world view…. My crazy, Dolphin room obsession began, on a bright spring day with Disney land magic.

After the rides, laughter, and too much chocolate… our family trip was nearing a close. My parents decided, now was the perfect opportunity to teach their kids the value of money. They gave both Jordan and I a spending allowance. We could pick out any trinket from the over priced Disneyland store.. that was worth 25 dollars. Jordan grabbed a cup. She announced proudly there would be enough money left over to have her name engraved on the glass. Time was running out we need to leave. My parents encouraged me to “ just pick something”. I wondered aimlessly until I saw the beautiful object. Light from the window touch the Glass Dolphin riding on a wave. It sparked, like liquid dew from the mist of a cold morning. My breath caught, while I stood awaiting my dads verdict. He took the item from me and turned it over glancing at the price. I'm sorry Ashley this is 40 dollars, your short 15 ,find something else.

I tried to be brave, I tried not to cry, as I walked back to look at my other options. Who was i tricking? I have always been someone desperately in love with beauty, trapped in a logical mind. I get lost in sunsets. For years as a child my goal was to capture a butterfly.If only I could see how the wings were drawn on paper. Try as i might the romantic child with in, was greater than the fear of disappointing my parents.

Running back to my Dad, I pleaded my case. This girl, who never, wants to disturbed the peace, was breaking it for all she was worth. My Dad gave his answer, setting aside his “money teaching lesson” he instead purchased a glass dolphin for his daughter. Its here, years later looking at my obsessed room, I'm once again reminded of the magic Disney land holds, a fathers love…. And Gods grace to exchange my 15 dollar shortages for his beauty.

Friday, September 7, 2007

Sack of junk : Giving

The brown paper sack was too heavy. It felt ruff beneath my small hands.. How could only a few feet grow magically into a mile, because of the rocks, ponytail holders, and paper clips, in my paper sack? It was Christmas Eve, when Santa clause was alive and breathing, waiting to eat the cookies Jordan and I would set out for him. One half of the bag was slightly dragging, Jordan struggled to keep her end of the bag from breaking. So there we walked into the living room, each carrying the gift between us. .With flare the bag was dropped in front of my parents. Shock registered on their faces. What is this? my dad asked . well ummm this is the gift Jordan and I got you and mom, I answered. Tears filled my mom’s eyes, as her and my dad began looking at the assortment of junk.

The idea had emerged with Jordan and I getting in the Christmas spirit. We wanted to wrap a present for my parents . But, the problem was we had no way of remedying the situation. Without money or someone to drive us we were at a loss…. And then suddenly brilliance snapped us into attention. Sneaking into the kitchen we pull out an old brown grocery bag and dumped all of our favorite trinkets into the sack; Favorite items included : ponytail holders, colored markers , rocks… The labor of love, ended with a bow swiped from a present under the tree. By the praised we received after the gift was open, I knew my parents loved my blue marker just as much as I did.

Thinking back to that Christmas it makes me wonder .. ..why do I do want to give drive down to the store and give God a real gift, when its my junk that brings tears to his eyes? Jordan and I got more thanks and hugs from our parents in that moment, then in any Christmas that followed. . We gave our very best… sacrifice . And, while God ( like our parents) may not have much use for a ponytail holder, I’m sure he smiles at anyone willing to sacrifice their last hair tie.

God loves a cheerful giver.