Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Color Creation: Thankful

I pick up a pen, speculating whether I should draw or write. Maybe ill do both. An artistic out , is just what I need. Setting my ball point pen, against the blank sheet of paper I begin creating lines, words, and wiggles. Ugh My drawing/writing isnt making any sense.

Why can’t I focus? I wonder if Gods like me, and sighs during his creative process. Perhaps color will help, suddenly inspired, I grab a colored pen and trace over my picture. I’m astonished, words and drawings once drab are now glowing. This is how God rights wrongs done against us, I realize. Keeping our current ramblings, he covers them with his goodness. I swipe the red marker lying next to me and print "I'm grateful for…..... creation, laughter, and pens" along the top of my page... being thankful is see color where only black and white exists.

Isaiah 60:20 Your sun shall no more go down, nor shall your moon withdraw itself, for the Lord shall be your everlasting light, and the days of your mourning shall be ended.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Winter: Memories

Generally I decide my attire relatively easy, yet here I standing speculating. Clothes don’t articulate a life or death situation.. Frustrated I pull a red long sleeve shirt off the hanger and wiggle the material over my head. I glance into my bathroom mirror, noticing its reflection. The red turns my ghostly skin milky white; and allows my green eyes to resonate…. I look alive.. So why do i hate this picture?
Unexpectedly a memory touches me, and i discover my answer. Should I throw the shirt away? Or keep my top until I enjoy the memories it inflicts? Sigh, Maybe I'll lay it in my closet with other, Oregon winter, i dont wear. How, I hate recalling last December...

Whether it is a good memory or a bad memory winter leaves nothing forgotten, my friend Kayla speaks the truth. Why else, would our Holiday season get mixed reviews? It reveals memories left in the closet, memoirs too bitter or sweet. ummm.....should we allow thoughts to define us, reminiscing in the past till it determines our future? Or do we throw them away, and let a piece of us die? What a dilemma...I reach down and pick up my shirt, my memories.I think ill drop them off at Salvation Army. I've wasted enough tears. Let God give me a taxes write off, and grant someone else the wear of my lessens learned.…. Exchanging old attire for bright new memories, is his specialty. Yes…… winter leaves nothing forgotten.

Isaiah 43:18-19 Do not remember the former things, Nor consider the things of old. Behold; I will do a new thing, Now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness And rivers in the desert.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

The Button: Pride

Im not coming. Puzzlement filled his voice Why? . ummmm, I ,…. … its awkward….. you know? No Ash, I don’t know …. He waited …. Ugh How could I make this clear to him?. …. Well I hate good byes, and I cant stand it when friends leave … so …. My words were now clumping up making my throat dry. The phone weighted my hand down. Jordan who sat across the room, listened and shook her head in protest at me. But I ignored her and continued……

With each line spoken , condemnation rained down. He was what , the 5th friendship I had let pride gain control of ? All because I refused to cry or look stupid, afraid I might care for someone more than they cared for me.. Names came unbridled running, dancing and skipping into my thoughts revealing memories. ….. refusing to call Sophia, turning from Ryan, and throwing away sweet Sam’s email… geese I still missed her. Yet my declaration stayed the same. I’d see him in a year or two…… no harm would be done.

Click, I pushed my cell phone button off and I walked up the steps. Jordan’s voice yelled after me. You shouldn’t have done that Ashley. You’ll regret it…. Think about Sophia and Sam. Don’t you wish, you had said bye to them ? I kept climbing, and gave no reply .

Time moves……. I find myself , witnessing a marriage crumble. These two people I care about are …. walking away. How am I different then them? Haven’t I refused to pray for someone or speak honest words? I’ve let pride kill my relationships, and Gods love vanish, because I didn’t want to be vulnerable. This is the price we pay for pushing pride’s off button..... destroyed lives.

Saturday, November 3, 2007

To crash or not to crash: Prespective

I watched in horror as my right rear window cracked creating raggedy designs. Noooooooooooo Please stop! But the thuds, bangs, and splats continued raining car crash sounds. A hand of dread now squeezed and clawed… seizing its opportunity to murdering my tranquility. Stupid Stupid Stupid. Why couldn’t I learn to paying attention? Dad would be livid, when he found out. Crunch… tires rolled over shattered glass. Breathe, it’s going to be fine, call work and THEN call Dad. Oh my Goodness, it couldn’t be true ? Did I really demolish a GATE, with my vehicle ?Please God, make an exception and yank my recent time fragments, alter their course... Ok prayer time is over Ashley. You must pick up the phone and dial. God isn’t going to fix this mistake…

Fellow drivers were slowing down as they passed the accident site. I’m sure speculating, how a 23 year old girl had failed to notice an iron Gate swing shut, until it was too late. . She must have been … oblivious.. Right? It’s the normal answer given to “ life crashes”. They just weren’t thinking when they committed their affair.” Sorry I didn’t realize my account was depleted of money.” “You mean to tell me, harmless teasing caused a school shooting?” …… making excuses. Claiming unawareness as the guilty verdict. While, truth shouts," my fellow spectaters Ashley was paying attention." Miss guided focused, noticing vehicles entering an exit road instead of watching a closing gate,cost her, her mistake. Glass sprinkles, cutting lives.

What if spouses had been concentrating on their marriage, Or students on giving kindness away? What then? Because every day were analyzing and processing( contrarily to current belief) choosing a focal point. I walk passed my mistake and sigh. Where does our attentions lye? Perspective…. to crash or not to crash? That is the question. ….

Luke chapter 12:34 For where you treasure is, there will your heart be also.