Im not coming. Puzzlement filled his voice Why? . ummmm, I ,…. … its awkward….. you know? No Ash, I don’t know …. He waited …. Ugh How could I make this clear to him?. …. Well I hate good byes, and I cant stand it when friends leave … so …. My words were now clumping up making my throat dry. The phone weighted my hand down. Jordan who sat across the room, listened and shook her head in protest at me. But I ignored her and continued……
With each line spoken , condemnation rained down. He was what , the 5th friendship I had let pride gain control of ? All because I refused to cry or look stupid, afraid I might care for someone more than they cared for me.. Names came unbridled running, dancing and skipping into my thoughts revealing memories. ….. refusing to call Sophia, turning from Ryan, and throwing away sweet Sam’s email… geese I still missed her. Yet my declaration stayed the same. I’d see him in a year or two…… no harm would be done.
Click, I pushed my cell phone button off and I walked up the steps. Jordan’s voice yelled after me. You shouldn’t have done that Ashley. You’ll regret it…. Think about Sophia and Sam. Don’t you wish, you had said bye to them ? I kept climbing, and gave no reply .
Time moves……. I find myself , witnessing a marriage crumble. These two people I care about are …. walking away. How am I different then them? Haven’t I refused to pray for someone or speak honest words? I’ve let pride kill my relationships, and Gods love vanish, because I didn’t want to be vulnerable. This is the price we pay for pushing pride’s off button..... destroyed lives.
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